When, God?

Mar29

So I didn’t change the site (yet)…but I have decided to continue writing here. ENJOY! A post for my job seekers…

When, God?

Five applications a day. 5 days a week. Weeks turned into months.

When, God?

Prayer requests in the basket. Fasting. Morning scripture and gospel playlist on the iPod.

When, God?

Emails from friends. Texts from family. Vision board reading and waiting to thrive.

When, God?

I hit the wall while uploading my resume after the system had already asked me to type in my work experience, line by line. The cover letters started to blend together and I sobbed. No, I didn’t cry. I sobbed. Crying is for when you are hurt. Sobbing is when hope leaves you like a scorned lover in the night. Sobbed.

God says move. You’re trying. You can no longer stay where you are but can’t seem to get to where you want to go…where ever that might be. You just know that God has promised you something.

Job searching is a special kind of purgatory – that space between where God kept you, raised you, taught you then told you to leave — and arriving in a promised land of promotion.

How do you stay faithful when every door you knock on doesn’t open? Or maybe it cracks a little and then slams in your face? And there are nights you cry out saying that you’ve done your part and wondered when God would do His? Maybe it’s been weeks, months or years. And all you can ask is when? When, God, when are you going to show up?

Then, in the midst of the meltdown, God steps in like He always does, to remind us we only see the pieces, not the puzzle. Every rejection is a redirection to the right path. The nos won’t look so harsh anymore. You know that any “no” you receive is simply God saying, “I have better, keep looking.”

There will come a point in your job search where you cling to God as if he is your life raft in the sea of uncertainty. Your tears and frustration will subside and you’ll see clearly the meaning of “seek ye first the kingdom of God and the rest shall be added unto you.”

You wouldn’t trust Him if everything came easy. You wouldn’t learn to cling to him if the sea never raged. You would never know that God can open windows if every door you knocked on open with ease. You’ll need that type of faith to carry you through much harder times than this so don’t be weary in the lesson.

Everybody wants greatness, but nobody wants to go through the process to be great.

One day, with yet another application in your lap, you’ll feel the shift. Instead of lamenting on when God will come through, you’ll start praising Him because you KNOW He will come through. He will provide just like He always has in the past. You will have sought His will for your life and found a deeper relationship with Him. It’s amazing how much we find out God is all we need, when God is all we have. Truly amazing that He becomes the source of our strength and the place of our peace when our own strength runs out.

When we stop asking “when,” we will find God, and when we find God, our worries about when, where, how and why all start to fade away. Replaced by the simple truth  that God will provide in His due time.

When our mind is finally focused on God and not our own strength, our own timing, and our own desires, the promise can be filled. Tears of gratefulness will flow as you thank God that He loved you enough to handpick this job and this moment just for you.

Stay encouraged.

 

Scriptures to Consider:

 

Hebrews 10:37

For, “In just a little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.”

 

Habakkuk 2:3

For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.

 

1 Peter 5:6-7

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

Psalm 20:4

May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.

 

Psalm 119:50

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

 

Where is Dee?

Feb14

Hello Loves!

I want to thank everyone for your consistent love and readership. I’ve taken a brief hiatus from managing this site as I explore new options for this blog and writing in general.  I’ve taken a similar hiatus before in 2011 and we came back better just for you! This blog is my first born child and I need to take thoughtful preparation for the next steps.

Thank you for your understanding and I’m returning with new content in April! Stay tuned.

Maybe even a new layout too :-) If you need me e-mail me! deerene@laughcrycuss.com or come join the fun on twitter @laughcrycuss .

- Dee

A Dirty Suit

Jan24

Stains on my suit? Ugh….

With no time for dry cleaning I hacked into my arsenal of spot removers and soft cloth to attack what appeared to be a soup stain on my suit.

Why hadn’t I noticed it before? Must be the light.

When it was clean in the bathroom, I put it on and walked in the hallway. Another spot appeared. Back to the bathroom. I got all the way outside the next time before I noticed that same spot again. Back to the bathroom. The finally on the train and to my destination.

My interview was happening that day and I was going come hell or high water.

Typical of my preparation I gave myself a pep talk. You can totally do this. You are amazing. They want you! Who are they not to want you!?

I was beaming with confidence until I walked up the stairs. People who ‘looked important & qualified’ gave me a silent once over. My rigid doctor’s office like chair was uncomfortable and I fiddled with what’s left of my nails in my lap.

(photo credit oneearth.com)

(photo credit oneearth.com)

 

Another spot on my suit?

I tugged at it as though it was merely lint on top of the inexpensive black fabric rather than deeply embedded in the strands. Smoothed my hands over it and indiscreetly tabbed a bit of saliva on it in hopes it’d fade for just a moment.

How can I ever become someone great in a dirty suit? What was I even thinking?

A suffocating emotion rose like bad Chinese food in my throat and slowly but surely every affirmation, positive thought, well wish and encouragement fell victim to the swinging axe of doubt.

The “I just can’t seem to get this right” monkey jumped on my back and intertwined me like the stains wrapped tightly around the fabric of my suit. It became a part of me. Every time I stepped into a new light, a new situation, another stain appeared. Another reminder of that time I missed the mark.

Jacket, pants, belt, and socks too flew into the hamper and I stood in shivering nakedness in my bathroom an hour later. A worthless pile of discarded fabric. Disgusted with myself, I stood in the mirror and still saw my dirty suit.

I was my dirty suit.

A person who (on the outside) exuded power and professionalism yet when you looked a bit closer was polka-dotted with mishaps, calamities and close but no cigar moments.

I’d tried to rub, dab, flick and pick out the failures but they were too deep. What was once just a fresh drop that could be easily removed had been allowed to sit and crust.

I took a shower to think and quiet my mind.

God spoke to me in that moment.

Give it to me.

Give what God?

Give me your dirty suit.

And when I thought I was too wrinkled, dirty, and used for any good, God was still calling me. Willing to dry clean my spirit with his love and redemption.

Sheepishly, my soul turned over our past mistakes and missed opportunities to God like a toddler handing over yet another mess to her Father.

I stepped out of the shower and my suit lurched like a deflated black cat in the corner. Still dirty. Still waiting. But looking a bit less impossible than before.

I wonder if the dry cleaner is still open…I thought and reached for a towel.

————

“God will perfect everything that concerns you.” Psalm 138:8

Taking your shortcomings, your failures, mishaps and general wrong turns to God instead of allowing them to soak deeply into the fabric of your life is hard. You must admit that you messed up and that you can’t clean it up yourself. But the good news is that God cares no matter how big our mess. And there is no stain too deep for his cleansing love to flow. And like a Father that looks with compassion on His child when they spill the juice (again) or burn the kitchen down, so is God’s love and compassion for us.

Lamentations 3:22

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is they faithfulness.”

 

Renewal

Jan2

Lip gloss. Tissue. Mozzarella cheese.

I’ve got everything.

My keys jingled as I bounced my hand against my jeans, nervously scanning the apartment one more time. A heavy chest full of cold and rushing. One hand on the door the other holding my church purse and the chicken dip ingredients.

I was ready.

It’s New Years Eve (NYE) and I’ve got to make it to Crown Heights before the clock strikes midnight. There were friends waiting for me.

The giant hallway mirror tempts my vanity each time with its massive come hither stare. I moved the same braid to three different locations atop my head as though it made a difference. Tucking my scarf just a little deeper so the hawk didn’t snatch my neck as prey, I stared a bit longer at the woman holding her church purse and bag of groceries in the mirror.

 

Who are you?

 

Over a year ago, you were running through Manhattan on a summer excursion for work. Training they called it. Living and breathing here. Until the subway seemed to run express through your soul. Until taxi cab horns, corner stores, and the hub of 1000 people all going nowhere fast beat like steel drums in Africa calling you home.  So we gave in and got caught up in the vibe. A true New Yorker now.

Concerts and happy hours. Late nights and friendships. Favorite restaurants and opportunities. Hadn’t it all been great?

No, there were dark sides.

Before long I was simply standing still. Unable to breathe fully but soaking it all in. The automatic light assumed I’d died and cut off leaving me in the dark. As a tidal wave of misery poured in. My breathing quickened like a fish on gravel. Even in my deep gratefulness was a bit of bitterness. Bleeding wounds I’d beg to ignore of missed opportunities, heartbreaks, and setbacks.

Before collapse, I took a step to alert the light that in fact I was still alive.

And saw myself again.

Illuminated and preserved. A whole person who just needed to take a few more steps to bring back the light. Amazingly, even in the middle of our greatest joys we can be weighted down in the darkness of our pain. A distant church bell yelled through the night that midnight was coming and change would soon come.

A tear began to swell when I realized there was no need to wait for midnight. The awakening was already here. The light remained on as long as I kept moving. And the person in the mirror was growing, changing, breathing, living, loving, and embracing everything like never before.

Nothing matters more in this moment than understanding you are who you imagined yourself to be. Not perfect. Still picking up broken pieces. But incredibly in love with the journey.

I beat the dry ground in my spirit with my faith and a blessed oil rose up to meet me in my brokenness. Healing would come to my soul.

I stood brimming with the audacity to live. TRULY live. I barely recognized myself as I moved yet another braid to three different positions on top of my head. I smoothed the imaginary wrinkles in my coat unable to contain the joy vibrating from my pores.

My hand rested briefly on the next door. I took one final glance over my shoulder and laughed at the braid that had fallen out of place again. Opened the door as the taxi cabs, 1000 people going nowhere and concrete jungle seemed to wrap its arms around me and whisper we’re so glad you’re finally home.

I made it to my destination just before midnight. But the clock had already struck in my heart.

Renewal was here.

Lessons in the Waiting Place

Dec28

You can get so confused

that you’ll start in to race

down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace

and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,

headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…

- Dr. Seuss , excerpt from “Oh The Places You’ll Go”

 

I imagine he had a NYC subway station in mind when he described this. This week I found myself waiting and waiting. What’s strange is that rather than giving myself a cardiac arrest from stress, I simply took in the lessons for all God’s Glory.

 

The C Train waitingplace

“Ladies and gentleman we are being held here. There’s a broken down train in front of us. We are working to resolve the issue and will move as soon as we can.”

Words that strike fear into the hearts of any frequent traveler on public transportation. Here I was trapped below the street with a train car full of strangers and my heart fighting down the impending claustrophobia. Nothing I could do but wait.

How much of life is like that? We are in a seemingly impossible situation and can only trust that the powers at be are working even when we can’t see it or feel it. We must simply hunker down and make the best of the time we are in that space. A child next to me was completely unphased by the delay and took the time to watch Curious George on an electronic tablet. He’d accepted what we all need to know – when there’s nothing you can do but wait, you might as well wait with some joy. The powers beyond my control were working on my behalf and I just had to trust that when it was time, we’d move, and it would all work itself out.

I joined him in watching Curious George.

 

People Patience

Tip, tap, Tip tip tip, Tap.

I bounced from one foot to the other, sniffling and checking my phone every 30 seconds for an update. Tip, tap, Tip, tip, tap. Where the hell was she?

Although I am always late, I have no patience when someone else is late. God isn’t done with me yet I suppose. Here I was rushing her to be ready when I was ready. Inside there was a great party happening and I was out here missing it waiting on someone who should have been here 30 minutes ago.

Sigh.

Our innate selfish human nature tells us that when we are ready, every one else should be as well. But no amount of my begging, pleading, rushing, or chastising was going to make her get ready or arrive any faster. Whether or not I agreed, everyone has to get ready in their own time. We frustrate ourselves and those we love by rushing their development.  I find myself frustrated by others sometimes when I feel they should or could be at a better place emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. Instead I must learn that we each get ready in our own way, in our own time. All I can do is get myself ready and enjoy life until they get there. Chances are someone further along than me is also waiting and praying for me to get there one day too.

My friend walked in with a big smile and nothing else mattered except that she had finally arrived. My drink was still smooth, the party was still going, and now we were both ready to enjoy it.

 

Order Cancelled

I forgot to eat, again. Hunger pains attacked my stomach like a small army of fire ants. Thank God for online ordering. A new place was only a few blocks away so I figured I’d walk and save myself a few dollars.

Why must it be so cold? My hood blew off my head, wind rushed over my ears as I fumbled through my pocket for my phone. Hello?

“Ma’am I’m sorry but your order has been cancelled. We are sending you a coupon for your trouble and refund.”

Mumbles and a click. I hope I said thank you at least. It’s not like it was her fault. My meal was cancelled as I stood three blocks from my home freezing and hungry. On today of all days. Sure there were other options but I wanted that food today, right now, and in this moment.

Ten more seconds of pouting did not perform a miracle. We decide what we want, we get all set to receive it, and life pulls a fast one on us. It was time to wait again.

My apartment was warm and inviting when I finally returned with something. Pouting clouds the mind so it took a while. With my mouth full and my ears freezing, I allowed the warm words of the Lord to fill my heart and ease some of my pouting.

Although what I wanted didn’t come when I wanted it, that didn’t mean it was never going to happen. I’d order the same item a little later in the week with my coupon. A delay is not a denial.

And sometimes even a delay is for our benefit and brings just a little extra blessing our way….

Occasionally, like the character in Dr. Seuss’ book, we are in such a rush to get somewhere (anywhere) that we end up in the wrong place instead of the best place God has for us. So we are forced to hurry up and wait. To relax our minds, let go of our desires, and just listen to his guidance. There are always things you can learn in the waiting room that you couldn’t learn rushing down the winding path of life. Take it as a blessing and breathe. Wait with joy. Exercise patience with people. Develop. And understand there is purpose in every delay.

Men Hate Women: Welcome to the Internet

Dec13

(Couldn’t resist posting something for my site this week. Leave comments!)

 

Mid-day I decided to log onto Twitter and began to scroll. There was the typical – woman with her boobs out and ogling, ridiculous typo that makes the grammar worm in me cringe, sports commentary I don’t understand, and the “slander.”

Now for those that aren’t use to this term, libel “slander” is the term applied to the internet jokes that occur when a funny picture is released or a celebrity loses their mind. In most cases, it’s just jokes that take on a life of their own. (See the Jaheim suit-slander-fest of 2012) I totally agree that if you choose to post a questionable picture of your latest fashion trend or “meal” that you open yourself up to libel “slander.”

But there’s a dark side to this. An innocent joke turns into full on level 10 hatred about the woman who tweeted it. It moves from disagreeing with her original comment to hurling insults.

In my humble opinion, these men hate women. There’s no other explanation why you would spend hours finding animal/object comparisons and photo shop side-by-sides to belittle and tear down a woman.

Of course when someone jumps in to say “you all should stop” they are the party pooper. There’s no room for kindness and logic here I suppose.

 

Is this one joke and moving on? Nope. This is hours (HOURS) of a man reaching up his ass and around the corner to find the most jokes about a supposedly “ugly” woman.

Conscious, unprompted, deliberate effort to tear someone down is hate.

There’s no other explanation for the level of disdain I see. All for the sake of what? Jokes? ReTweets? Applause from other men that you have, in fact, made the rudest comment?

When did we start being proud about being the worst human in the bunch?

 

Here’s the thing – it has to stop. Not just because it’s utterly disturbing to watch but because I believe our men can be better than that. It’s a matter of time before the wrong person ends up on the receiving end of this wave of slander and decides to pull the trigger. Then will the jokes, ReTweets, and virtual high-fives be worth it?

Is the internet really bringing out the worst in all of us? Is our desire to have ‘fun’ overriding the good sense the Lord gave us? Because I can’t possibly imagine everyone sitting at a kitchen table hurling insults at a woman who merely opened her mouth to speak….right?

P.s.

Yes I know women join in and blah blah blah. That’s another post in itself about the desire of women to fit in and be accepted by men online to the point where they join the self-deprecating behavior. But that’s for another day.

 

 

 

 

The Online Dating Coach?

Dec11

Hello Lovers!

I’m on a bit of a hiatus this week from posting my own work on this site.

I’m busy running an experiment! The 30 – day – online – dating challenge!

I’m currently following a few men and women as they try online dating. You’ll get to follow along with their adventures and hopefully we all learn something too.

Are you interested? Are you ready to try something new? I’m here to help! E-mail me if you are interested in joining the experiment or to get some tips and coaching to get you started. deerene@laughcrycuss.com

 

Check out the first two articles below:

Online Dating While You Are in a Relationship?

Mya wants to see if the man she’s dating is really the one! How is she doing this? By dating other people behind his back. Whoops!

Mya Article

 

The 30 Day Online Dating Challenge

Jeff is single and looking for a good woman. Unfortunately, he’s only run into hell dates. You won’t believe what happened…

Jeff Article